Category Archives: Two And A Half Men Quotes

Two and a Half Men : A Cow Puppet!


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Jake: My doctor has a cow puppet.
Evelyn: Really? MD or Ph.D?
Jake: C-O-W.

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Two and a Half Men : Women Like You To Go Slow!


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Charlie: Well, you know how women like you to go slow…
Alan: Really? My ex-wife put a premium on brevity. Her motto was “less is more and none is perfect.”

Two and a Half Men : You Said “Ass”


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Jake: If drinking makes you feel bad, why do you drink?
Charlie: Nobody likes a smart ass, kid.
Jake: You have to put a dollar in the swear jar. You said “ass.”
Charlie: Tell you what. Here’s a twenty. That ought to cover me until lunch.